Ever since I found out I was pregnant I had meant to post about it, but here I am at 21 weeks.
Let me say this: I no longer judge pregnant women. Maybe for smoking, but really– I had no idea. I envisioned a maternal world of healthy eating, vitamins and exercise, with my ever-present strong will to guide me. My strong will abandoned me, however, at exactly 7.5 weeks. Pregnancy has a way of taking you down a notch, perhaps in preparation for how sleep deprivation and spit-up will later humble you– although I cannot imagine how anything can steal your dignity like gratefully throwing up in your car at a stop light. Some of my poor friends had it much worse, but I got enough of morning (=all day) sickness and aversions to get an idea.
Everyone asks you what your cravings are, but forget cravings: I hated almost every healthy food I used to love. I had never been a picky eater but I finally got a bit of sympathy for what my husband experiences when I drop a generous helping of vegetables onto his plate. I thought motherly instincts would kick in, but reminding myself that choking down a vitamin would impact my baby’s neurological development seemed to have no impact. I know that sounds unimaginable, and that is partially why I am writing this down: because I am already forgetting how awful it was and how weak one’s will can become when nausea enters the scene. So if you are pregnant and sick, you have ALL my sympathy.
Thankfully, for me the second trimester has been completely different. As long as I constantly eat, the sickness has disappeared, and the lovely parts of motherhood have begun. The sweet, obvious belly made its appearance and everyone around me instantly doubled in kindness. I don’t suck in my stomach anymore for pictures. I can go twice as long without washing my hair. I can feel the baby now– not the uncomfortable all-night-long kicks that I believe are coming later, but the tiny movements that remind there is a person inside. I finally feel like a mother, not just a sick pregnant lady. Here’s to the second trimester, then, and to hopefully posting before a another one goes by!